happy or sad?

if i could rewrite everything
would you be still my favorite chapter?

i have thought about giving up,
several times

but if youre so happy that you've reach
your goal from 2 years

how is it possible to feel sadness
that much?

i know its supposed to be like this
and i should dream forever

couldnt care less because it hurts
but im so happy

is this real?
Or is it a nightmare im caught in?

would my younger version smile?
would it love me?
would it embrace me with all of her love?
would she?
because i would.

happiness and sadness is connected so well.
it keeps me up while it destroys me and thats why im so
so fucking grateful for being alive,
for having the strength to live and laugh and talk and walk

Just because its a confusing part of me which seems to stay forever.