Numbness

I feel some numbness coming up now,
covering my inner streamings. Fuzzy faces
in myself that tingle up and down my
body, some are having sad mines, others are
looking for sadness. Even others are feeling
quite happy, ready to quest the world.
Altogether they're bumping and bouncing
from head to toe, back and forth, wildly mixing
up my inner silence, like a whirlwind
carefully blowing up multicoloured autumn
leaves, like you, Lisa, arising different,
sometimes even strange feelings, my life
seems to become more and more indistinct
able, stable but, more confusing, interesting,
tensioning, enriching. Besides that there is a what
I call kinda my mess, my phase of creative chaos
coming and going in long terms of
feeling well or numb. Lots of
thoughts that enter my mind easily, as if
there was no shield protecting me from
such attacks. Once they've overcome my
weakening barriers (what makes me more
open for some irrational thoughts and
scaring feelings on the other side), they
get up flickering and flipping through
the lines, connecting all my inner parts
They make me feel nervous, mixed up,
make me lose my inner balance.
After a while they leave me then,
confused, unsecure about the things to come but,
happy and somehow encouraged, too.
Time to slow down, to feel good, to take
a calm review of what had happened.
I sense very consciously that I had
been enriched again, somehow sad,
somehow happy, I feel my strength
and my power coming up again,
reliving me steadily so that I am
ready to just take another step into
the world, towards you, Lisa, the one
I love as deeply as my emotions get
into disorder from time to time
to be pure love again afterwards...


ls110193